Author: Jaime Lee Hazard

I’m a wanderer at heart–always wanting to meet new people, see new places, enjoy new environments and learn as much about the world as one possibly can. I’m obsessed with anything paranormal, animals & nature, soap making, herbology, reading, dancing, playing bass, the death positive movement, and creating anything my mind can dream up.
Journey Through Life & Death

Advance Directives

Jaime Lee Hazard
An advance directive is a written statement of a person’s wishes regarding medical treatment, often including a living will, made to ensure those wishes are carried out should the person be unable to communicate them to a doctor.”

Oxford Dictionary

I think what intimidates people the most about end of life planning (besides the whole death aspect) is all of the confusing paperwork and language. As your doula through this death journey, it’s my job to make this easier for you. There are many types of advance directives: the health care proxy/durable power of attorney for health care, the living will, Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST), do not resuscitate (DNR) orders and organ and tissue donation forms are all included in this umbrella term. In this post we will cover the health care proxy and the living will. The American Bar Association goes over the difference between these two in the perfect amount of detail.

Basically, the living will component of the Advance Directive covers how you want to be treated in certain medical situations. The health care proxy form (or otherwise known as durable power of attorney for health care) allows you to designate a person to make medical decisions for you in the event you are unable to express your preferences about medical treatment. This could be because you are unconscious or because your mental state is such that you do not have the legal capacity to make your own decisions. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering who you should bless with this rather hefty responsibility and how you might want to strike up a conversation with them about your medical wishes. The Conversation Project has created an amazingly helpful document HERE that covers all of the considerations and legalities involved with your choice. Yes, this is a legal document. No, in most states, you do not have to get it notarized. Please read through this document before you continue on to filling out your own form.

Get your Advance Directive by state here. Once you’re done filling out your form, give a copy to your health care proxy and any other family/friends you deem necessary, give a copy to your health care providers at your next visit, give a copy to your local hospital at your next visit, keep a copy in your 3-ring binder (inside a sheet protector) and also keep a copy in your magnetic file holder that I want you to put on your refrigerator. Why the big fridge magnet, you ask? Well, if an emergency were to occur, all of your essential documents will easily be found by EMS and loved ones. This is especially important for those nearing the end of life who have specific Do Not Resuscitate wishes.

The Advance Directive is not set in stone. You can update it whenever you feel the need. Just shred the old copies and replace them with updated versions. If you’re healthy, I recommend reviewing your end of life care plans annually. However, you may want to do it more frequently if any big life changes occur or if your health status changes.

Do you need help starting a conversation with the person you’d like to be your proxy? Well, I’ve got you covered, here is a step-by-step guide.

Okay, next time we meet up we will cover a more robust version of the living will.

Journey Through Life & Death

Prep Yourself

Jaime Lee Hazard

Okay party people, let’s do this! So this year I’ve decided to get my act together when it comes to life, specifically the part of life that we all want to avoid…death. I’m hoping that if I get myself situated, my 72-year-old mother will follow suit because currently her end of life plan consists of a handwritten letter attached to the fridge that basically just says to not have an estate sale where people comb through her used underwear looking for gems. I fear the day that something happens to her and I have no real guidance whatsoever on what to do. So I’m determined to not to inflict the same torture on my loved ones.

Initially, I had planned to begin this process at the beginning of the year but in order to reach the most people possible, I knew that I’d have to include a YouTube component. Yikes! The idea of uploading an awkward video for all the world to ridicule is daunting but I feel like this work is important enough to get over my ego and insecurities. So the time has come, better late than never I suppose.

This is what I consider to be a death journey and despite the bleak nature of the subject matter, it very much is about life as well. We will start with the basic forms needed that everyone, no matter your age, should have filled out just in case something unfortunate happens tomorrow. Once the most time sensitive documents are dispensed with, we will journey through the disposition of our bodies and then travel back through time from there. Why am I starting at the end, you ask? The last portion of this journey has a life coaching component that meets you where you are today and what a better way to gain some perspective and appreciation for the life you’re living now than to plan for its end.

Suggested Supplies

  • Access to a printer, printer ink & printer paper
  • A pen
  • Some way to save your digital files (ex. USB drive or Dropbox)
  • One folder
  • One 3-ring binder
  • One magnetic file holder like this one
  • Sheet protectors like these
  • Perhaps some art supplies if you like
  • Maybe some personal photos that you love
  • In the future you might want to get a small fire-proof safe for your documents

See, most of this is all stuff you probably already have lying around your house so there is really no excuse for not following along with me (yes, I’m talking to you, MOTHER!). If you don’t have these supplies, don’t sweat it. As long as you have access to a printer, you’re golden.

Journey Through Life & Death

A Cautionary Tale

Jaime Lee Hazard

I filmed a video that with help anyone who is trying to figure out what to do with the debt incurred by a loved one. Plus, my call to action when it comes to rehabilitation/skilled nursing facilities. If you have a rehab story that you’d like to get out into the world, please contact me. I’d love to interview you for my channel. Perhaps someday, I can get it seen by the right people who are in the position to push for positive changes.

Here is a synopsis of me and my father’s skilled nursing nightmare:

  • He is transferred to Gateway Rehab and Healthcare in Lenoir, NC from the hospital with absolutely no notice. He was swept away and the family was not notified of when and where he went. He was just gone from his room one day.
  • At Gateway, he is quarantined for 14 days with no visitors and if you don’t have a working cell phone, you’re not able to contact anyone because there is no phone in the room. This was extremely isolating for my father.
  • For the first time in his life, he develops anxiety and cannot sleep. All he asks is for them to raise his head above the rest of his body but he is ignore and instead medicated.
  • Everyday he is left to lay in his own waste for hours. If he is placed on the toilet, he is left there for long periods of time.
  • His call button was not even plugged in for the entire 21 days and the staff was aware that it wasn’t plugged in.
  • He is not bathed. He asked to take a shower but was told that the showers are down the hall but that he is not allowed to leave the room because he might spread Covid, despite being tested for it everyday.
  • They tried to extend his stay by saying that the facility was going to be completely locked down to people going in or out because there was a Covid contact somewhere in the building. I called Medicare to ask what happens if the facility extends his stay past the covered 21 days and they told me that my father is responsible for paying a $183 co-pay for each extra day that he stays. They also reminded me that they cannot keep anyone. Skilled nursing is an option. I promptly call my father back to tell him that they are not keeping him any longer than is covered 21 days.
  • My phone calls and emails were completely ignored. The only time someone contacted me with any information was 3 days before he was set to leave. That was a nurse and a social worker telling me that my dad is in terrible shape and needs to stay with them. His reported condition is that he cannot use a walker and can only use a wheelchair because his body is so broken, he can’t toilet himself, he is on about ten medications and needs oxygen continuously. The social worker would tell me something about his condition (like that he had a urinary catheter) and then the nurse would backpedal and say that wasn’t totally true. I told them that he was leaving regardless of their recommendations. They said they were willing to only give him 10 days of medications and after that he was on his own. They were not prepared to give him a wheelchair so that it would take about a week to get one sent to his temporary home. For the entire conversation they were going out of their way to let me know what a huge mistake I was making in not just transferring him to their nursing home.
  • Ironically, after my phone call with the nurse and social worker, my father saw a physical therapist for the first time in his 21 day stay.
  • While he was at Gateway, he developed bedsores from not being moved. This is a person who just was hospitalized with a systemic blood infection.
  • When he left Gateway he continued to make very slow progress at my step sister’s for two weeks until we moved him to a private care home in NY. The first night that he was there, Judy (the owner of the home), showed him how to use a walker, had him putting away his things, using the toilet on his own and only using his oxygen when he was feeling winded. That was all within the first night of being there! All he needed was someone to show him how to walk with a walker and encouraged him to try. And all Gateway did was break him down and told him he would only get worse and he believed it.
  • It’s now been less than 4 months since leaving Gateway and he is walking without any assistance, quit smoking, no longer needs oxygen, the only meds he takes is an inhaler, is going to the bathroom and showering on his own and is happier than he’s been in a long time.